Never Cook Your Sister in a Frying Pan - Barry Louis Polisar

Never cook your sister in a frying pan

Or boil her in water and take her by the hand

And throw her off a cliff or try to make her fall

'Cause these things aren't very nice at all.

You might not like her but don't knock her off her bike;

Fighting is normal, but normal ain't right.

Don't put her in a bucket and drop her down a well

Or put her in the oven and try to sell

Her to the nice old man who lives down the street

Don't hit her with your hand or kick her with your feet.

Don't tie her to a tree and leave her in the woods

For the bears and the snakes and you never should

Lock her in the closet or throw her in the snow,

Or flush her down the toilet or steal her clothes.

If you do these things then what you do,

Is not becomming to a boy like you.

You better be careful when she's nice and small,

Don't beat her with a bat or hit her with a ball.

Don't put her in a barrel and roll her down the road,

'Cause it all goes against the gentleman's code.

Besides, she might grow up and be bigger, too,

And turn around and do it all to you