The Kids - Eminem

And everyone should get along

Okay children, quiet down, quiet down

Children, I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day

His name is Mr. Shady

Chidren, quiet down please

Brian, don't throw that (shut up)

Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while Mr. Kaniff is out with Pneumonia (he's got AIDS)

Good luck Mr. Shady

Hi there, little boys and girls (fuck you)

Today we're going to learn how to poison squirrels

But first I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (huh?)

Say hi, Bob

Hi Bob

Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom

He don't got a job cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot

But his 12 year old brother looks up to him an awful lot

And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot

And wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock

When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog

Drags them into the woods and goes straight to the chopping block

And even if they escaped and they got the cops

The ladies would all be so afraid they would drop the charge

'Til one night Mrs. Stacy went off the job

When she felt someone grab hold of her face and said not to talk

But Stacy knew it was Bob and said knock it off

But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker

Crazier than Slim Shady when he'soff the vodka

You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor

Grabbed Stace by the legs as he chopped them off her

And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her

But ever since the day Stacy went off to wander they never found her

And Bob still hangs at the waffle diner

And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana

And what it might do to you

So see if the squirrels want any, it's bad for you

See children, drugs are bad (come on)

And if you don't believe me ask your dad (raise your hand)

And if you don't believe him ask your mom (that's right)

She'll tell you how she does them all the time (she will)

So kids say no to drugs (that's right)

So you don't act like everyone else does (uh huh)

And there's really nothing else to say (sing along)

Drugs are just bad, m'kay?

My penis is the size of a peanut

Have you seen it?

Fuck no you aint seen it

It the size of a peanut (huh?)

Speaking of peanuts

You know what else is bad for squirrels?

Ectasy, it's the worst drug in the world

If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it

Kids, two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid

And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back

So don't get attatched it'll attack every bone in your back

Meet Zach, 21 years old

After hanging out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold

And decides to try five when he's bribed by five guys

And peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it

Suddenly, he starts to convulse

And his pulse goes into hyperdrive

And his eyes roll back in his skull

His back starts to, look like the McDonalds arches

He's on Donald's carpet

Laying horizontal barfin'

And everyone in the apartment starts laughing at him

"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him."

Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny

So they're laughing at basically nothing

Except maybe wasting their money

Meanwhile Zach's in a coma

The action is over, and his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicing yoga

And that's the story of Zach: The Ecstasy maniac

So, don't even feed that to squirrels, class, cause it's bad for you

See children, drugs are bad (that's right)

And if you don't believe me ask your dad (that's right)

And if you don't believe him ask your mom (you can)

She'll tell you how she does them all the time (she will)

So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack)

So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right)

And there's really nothing else to say (uh huh)

Drugs are just bad, m'kay?

And last but not least

One of the most humongous

Problems among young people today is fungus

It grows from cow manure

They pick it out, wipe if off, bag it up

And you put it right in your mouth and chew it

Yum, yum

And then you start to see some dumb stuff

And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em

And sometimes you see things that aren't there (like what?)

Like fat women in g-strings with orange hair

Mr. Shady, what's a g-string?

It's yarn Clair, women stick them up their behinds go out and wear them

And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms

Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus

Your tounge gets

All swolled up, like a cow's tongue (How come?)

Cause it comes from a cow's dung

See drugs are bad, it's a common fact

But your mom and dad know

That's all that I'm good at

But don't be me

Cause if you grow up and go and OD

They're gonna come for me, and I'm gonna have to grow a goatee

And get a disguise and hide

Cause it'll be my fault

So don't drugs and do exactly as I don't, because I'm bad for you

See children, drugs are bad (uh huh)

And if you don't believe me ask your dad (put that down)

And if you don't believe him ask your mom (you can ask)

She'll tell you how she does them all the time (and she will)

So kids say no to drugs (say no)

So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)

And there's really nothing else to say (that's right)

Drugs are just bad, m'kay?

Come on children

clap along(SHUT UP!)

Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin dick!)

Drugs are just bad drugs are just bad(South Park is gonna sue me!)

So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin penis!)

so there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)

(Mushrooms killed Kenny!...Ewww, ahhh!)

(So, fucked up, right now.)