Society frowns on blowing one's own trumpet.
(Bapapapapapapaa beebeebeebeebeebeebeeeeeee!)
Oh for goodness' sake! Would you believe it.
But we've found a game that merits no rebuke:
If someone's got a tub, we're gonna thump it!
It's more fun than playing polo with the Duke.
The object is to Gunga-Din your neighbour -
"I'm a better man than you"'s the acid test.
So man the good ship One-Up,
Let's do a social ton-up,
And bang our status cymbals with the best!
Two, three, four...
Playing on the status cymbals, laying out the ready cash:
Bigger, better, newer, smarter,
Hear the status cymbals crash!
My phone number's ex-directory, should you wish to make a call.
Mine is even more exclusive. (More exclusive?)
I won't have a phone at all.
You can always try cabling me: MIC FLAN, England.
I have colour television, though it can't receive a thing.
I've a midget tape recorder hidden in my signet ring (hidden in my signet ring).
I've a laundress comes in daily to my flat in Marble Arch.
All my laundry's flown to Cairo... (Flown to - really?)
... where they don't use so much starch.
I believe my butler's butler has appeared on Face to Face.
I lost both my body jellies when they robbed my country place.
I've been asked to sing at Salzburg in next year's Finalio.
I've been asked to screen Lord Denning - for security you know.
My car registration number's 1111VIP.
All my garage doors fly open when I murmur 'sesame'.
My car horn goes aa-ee-aa-ee, your car horn goes toot toot toot.
I've just bought a Mini Super.
Bought a what? (A Mini Super!)
Oh yes, I've got one in my boot.
Playing on the status cymbals, laying out the ready cash:
Bigger, better, newer, smarter,
Hear the status cymbals crash!
Hell has just been taken over by a friend of Charlie Claus;
We've acquired a private furnace -
Bigger, hotter, far, than yours!
