The Warthog (The Hog Beneath the Skin) - Flanders & Swann

The Jungle was giving a party

A post hibernation ball

The Ballroom was crowded with waltzing Gazelles, Gorillas and Zebras and all.

But who is that animal almost in tears

Pretending to powder her nose?

A poor little Warthog who sits by herself

In a pink satin with blue bows.

Again she is no-body's choice and she sings in a sad little voice:

No one ever wants to court a Warthog

Though a Warthog does her best

I've spent a lot of money for a Warthog

I am perfumed and prettily dressed

I've lustrinsed my hair

I'm perfumed here and there

My gums were tinted when I brushed my teeth

I'm young and in my prime

But a wallflower all the time

'Cos I'm a Warthog

Just a Warthog

I'm a Warthog underneath

Take your partners for a ladies Excuse me!

Excited and radiant she runs on the floor

To join the furor and fuss.

She taps on each shoulder and says 'Excuse me!'

and each couple replied 'Excuse us!'

Then having no manners at all

They sing as they dance round the hall:

'No one ever wants to court a Warthog

Though a Warthog does her best

Her accessories are dazzling for a Warthog

She is perfumed and daringly dressed

We know her these and those are like Marilyn Monroe's

Her gown is just a scintillating sheath

But she somehow fails to please

'Cos everybody sees she's a Warthog

Just a Warthog

She's a Warthog underneath'

Head hanging she wanders away from the floor

This Warthog whom nobody loves

Then stops in amazement

For there at the door stands a gentleman Warthog impeccably dressed

In the act of removing his gloves.

His fine chiseled face seems to frown

As he looks her first up then down

'I fancy you must be a sort of Warthog

Though for a Warthog you look a mess

That make-up's far to heavy for a Warthog;;

You could have chosen a more suitable dress

Did you have to dye your hair?

If that's perfume give me air!

I strongly disapprove of scarlet teeth

But let us take the floor

'Cause I'm absolutely sure

That you're a Warthog

Just a Warthog

The sweetest little,

Neatest little

Dearest and completest little

Warthog ... underneath'.