Living Next Door to Alan - Kevin Bloody Wilson

They came down from Meekatharra

In a burned-out blue FJ

That farted and just shit itself in Jutland Parade

Right next door to Bondy's

When the smoke had cleared a voice said:

'Eh . this place look all right

We'll tell the government it's a sacred site

Dead fuckin' easy'

'Good day Mr Alan Bond, how you goin' bloke?

Hey, I'm your brand-new neighbour ... hey, mate you got a smoke?

And I think I'm gonna like it here

Livin' next door to Alan'

Twenty-four kids, 9 adults and 15 dogs

A dead roo on the roof rack and a boot load full of grog

'And I'm flash as Michael Jackson now I'm

Livin' next door to Alan'

'The first thing that we gott a do is get another car

'Cause the one sittin' out the front won't even fuckin' start

We'll call that bloke again from the government

He's all right, eh?'

So they called the bloke in charge of all the government grants

And the next day in the driveway was a new Mercedes Benz

'Eh, come 'n' have a look at this one, Edwin

This one's got a wireless ... look at this, eh'

'Good day Mr Alan Bond, how you goin' mate?

You got a real flash car, but my one's flash one, eh

And I believe that my one's faster than yours, Mr Bond

'Cause mine's a red one'

Twenty-four kids, 9 adults and 15 dogs

All squeezed in the front seat with the wireless turned full on

Listenin' to Slim Dusty now they're

Livin' next door to Alan

So Bondy called Ben Lexcen and said:

'I want another yacht, twice as big

And twice as fast as what I already got

That'll fuck 'em'

So his neighbours called some welfare mob, not to be outdone

And got the HMAS Melbourne on some sorta government loan

Got me knackered -- they just said they wanted to

Go fishin' for yabbies in the river

'Good day Mr Alan Bond, how you goin' mate?

You got a real flash boat, but my one's flash one, eh?

And I think I'm gonna put him in the river

Next door to Alan's

Fifteen dogs, 9 adults, two dozen screaming kids

With lines strung from the flight deck, tryin' to catch some squid

Swimmin', fishin', pissin' in the river

Next door to Alan

So Bondy threw a party,

The likes you've never seen

And invited everybody from the Premier to the Queen --

And the Leyland Brothers

So his neighbours baked bungarra on a barbie on the lawn

And invited all their relatives from Meekatharra to come down

'Hey, Edwin, don't you forget to bring a big flagon of woobla

There's a party on at my 'ouse!'

'I don't know why he's leavin', or where he's gonna go

He says he's got his reasons and I reckon that I know

He just never got used to

Livin' next door to Abos'

'He's jumpin' up and down and he's makin' such a fuss

At least we don't got fuckin' coons livin' next door to us!

Now we gotta get used to not

Livin' next door to Alan

Now we gotta get used to not

Livin' next door to Alan