My Grandfather's Cock - Live In London - Kevin Bloody Wilson

My gradfather's cock was an itsy bitsy dicky

And it hardly took up any room at all

Had a head and a neck, but Jesus Christ by heck

You should've seen the size of granddad's balls

He had a horn on the morn of the day that he was born

And though it was erect you couldn't see

Cause my grandfather's cock was a pissy little pisser

But his clangers they were hanging to his knees

A tiny wee appendage (not a cock, not a cock)

An inch from end to end, it's (not a cock, not a cock)

Just a stump, short, like a tiny little wart

On the old man's nuts

Well my grandfather's cock was a huge motherfucker

And his pecker was a wrecker so they say

And you shoulda seen the head, you shoulda seen the neck

You should take me for a wrestle in the hay

Had a head like a steer, nothin' 'tween the fuckin' ears

You shoulda seen that god damn neck

Like a giant of a man with a pumpkin in his hands

Kept that pumpkin fuckin' pumpin' near to death

You shoulda seen that darn thing (what a cock, what a cock)

Rearin' like a Mustang (what a cock, what a cock)

It was wild, mean, coiled up in his jeans

Whoop-it-I-oh let her out and let her ride

Well my grandfather's cock was just average for an Aussie

Weighed I spose, thirty, fourty pounds

And overall his old fella was just a couple of inches

Just a couple of inches fron draggin' on the ground

Had a vein in its neck like a fuckin' opera singer

And a head like an old school bell

And a pair of leather knackers like a ringer's saddle bags

Picked up ribbons at the royal show as well

Fair dinkim mate, I kid you not (what a cock, what a cock)

Just an average Aussie cock (what a cock, what a cock)

And he still ploughs an acre every day

Crawlin' round on his hands and his knees