[Ludacris]
Hi, my name's Ludacris, and I'm high as giraffe pussy
And I'm close to the edge, so yo' parents can come PUSH ME
I curse so much just to get on they nerves
I got kids "Actin a Fool" from the traps to the burbs
My filthy mouth, it won't fight cavities or beat plaque
So I shot the tooth fairy and put my old teeth back
I take a shit on the equator, the size of a crater
And make government officials breathe harder than Darth Vader
It's the chicken and the beer that makes Luda keep rappin
But no pork on my fork, I don't even SPEAK pig latin
I go fishin on my lake, with yo' bitch as the bait
Plus I eat many MC's, but I don't gain no weight
The numba ONE chief rocka, clean out yo' rap lockers
I'm as stiff as a board, y'all more SHOOK than maracas
But my +Trix+ ain't for kids, if you +Dig'um+ you'll get +Smacked+
I'll clock ya - I'll spring forward, you fall back
Every album that I drop has got more than ten bangers
That's cause I'm a shot caller, y'all fools is +Crank Yankers+
{*phone rings*} Ain't a damn thing changed but the ice on my chain
To get chicks from Portland, Oregon to Portland, Maine
Now I roll up torpedoes, get blunted with rastas
For a hefty fee, I'm +On Your Record+ like Bob Costas
I own so many jerseys I'm a throwback mess
I hit the cleaners and tell 'em I want a full court press (OW!)
So momma toast your glass while I'm countin my cash
Cause every single is a smash, I'm hot as a camel's ass
The competition never just wanna admit that they lost
And that they last about as long as my part in +The Wash+
From yo' car to a crap game, no one rolls wit'chu
One of Mini-Me's shoes got more sole than you
So by the time you figure out why your record ain't spinnin
I'm in the strip club smokin, with President Clinton
So stand clear of the long sideburns and goatee
They may the mold of the penis enlarger off me
I'll be in another room when I hit from the back
Not to mention my refridgerator's taller than Shaq (YUH)
So yippie-kay-yay, yippie-yie-yie-yo
If you can't swim, don't smoke my hydro
I've been lookin for a woman just to put my stamp on
But a lot of y'all are mo' stuck up than tampons
So wash all ya sins away and stop playin
If God's line is busy you might have to two-way him
Then catch me in your backyard, playin croquet
And when I'm drunk tell them kids, "Drugs are bad, mmm'kay?"
Or watch me swing my chain at the Roscoe's off Pico
Got seven cars, get all my rims at Chrome Depot
And people think I'm bad, they say "Oooh he's so evil!"
Cause I go on blind dates, with actual blind people (OW!)
But my album's out the store, yours be on the shelf
I heard you masturbate a lot, so y'all keep to yourself
Cause these women want a man that stay up and stay strong
Like the NBA, you gotta play hard or go home
All that shit that y'all talkin, y'all can pop it to them
Cause Ludacris'll beat you down with a prosthetic limb
I put my FOOT so deep in yo' ass that you can smell it
And yo' breath will turn to Foot Locker water repellant
I'm the man, I got money far as the eyes can see
And I'm in a group, I split dough with me, me and me
So much money in my jewelry that I'm damn near sorry
So I'ma trade my earrings in, and get a Ferrari (WOO!)
I buy cars with straight cash, have meetings with Donald Trump
Y'all meet with HONDA, no payments for 12 months
Take a look at yo' life, and NO WONDER you so sad
Y'all put up with more shit than a colostomy bag, fool!
{*laughter*}
