Don't Ever Try to Cross an Englishman - Ray Jessel

Don't ever try to cross an Englishman

Or an Englishman will be terribly cross with you

You can scoff at any Scot

Call an Irishman a sot

But an Englishman's not delighted, even only slightly slighted

He'll go red in the face with perfect grace and promptly put you in your place

As only a member of his race can do (ooh)

Don't ever try to cross an Englishman

Or an Englishman will be terribly cross, quite unbearingly cross

Utterly irreparably cross with you

Frightfully witty stuff isn't it?

Awfully droll wouldn't you say? Yes, rather

Don't ever tease or twit an Englishman

Or he'll get it quite a bit of a snit with you

You may snare at a Samoan

You may jeer at a Genoan

Call a Creteon a Creteon

But never a chap from Eaton

For the British skin is terribly thin, especially when it's full of gin

And that's the state it's usually in its true (ooh)

Don't ever try to cross an Englishman

Or the fellow will get emphatically cross

Really quite dramatically cross

Almost operatically cross with you

He's usually unperturbable, quite undisturbable

A pillar of equanimity and calm

He's really the sort of chap who never gets in a flap

An easy-going bloke him, but if you should provoke him

It's all hands on deck and sound the alarm

Ordinarily quite taciturn, a person of a placid turn

A scene of something he simply can't abide

Because of aides and heirs, se voir and San Juan Fair

But if you start to heckle, then the flushing of his neck'll

Show he's turning straight from Jekyll into Hyde

So don't try any malarkey with an Englishman

Or an Englishman will get snarky sir, with you

It's ok to have a go at any Serbian or Croat

But an Englishman you irk, he will likely go berserk

Though it's very unwise to make a crack to a fellow who flies the Union Jack

No surprise if you're beaten black and blue (ooh)

Don't ever dare to cross an Englishman

Or the fellow will get drastically cross, enthusiastically cross

Quite fantastically cross, orgiastically cross

The fellow will get sarcastically cross, bombastically cross

Gymnastically cross

For when affronted, Britannia waves the rules

Don't let an Englishman ever be terribly cross with you