No Weenies Allowed - SpongeBob SquarePants

Narrator: Ah, Goo Lagoon, a luxurious oasis of sand and sea. Sandy: Shee-oot, SpongeBob. How are we gonna go swimmin' when you're in a shirt and tie?

SpongeBob: Ah, yes. How foolish of me. Allow me to remedy said situation right now. I will just use this changing tent here to change into my bathing suit. And I won't do anything else. Sandy: SpongeBob's actin' jumpier than a rattlesnake in a pickle barrel. Wait... what?

SpongeBob: Oh, I'll be changing alright, but not into a bathing suit. Wait until Sandy sees that I brought my karate gear! Hi-yah! Hi-yah! Sandy won't beat me this time, because I've got the elements on my side. The elements of surprise. Hi-yah! Sandy: SpongeBob, are you ready?

SpongeBob: Yes, Sandy, I most certainly am ready! Ready to get it on. Hi...

Sandy: Hi-yah! Look, SpongeBob, we both brought our karate gear.

SpongeBob: Great minds think alike, I suppose.

Sandy: Hi-yah! SpongeBob: I may be down, but I'm not out! Tom: Way to go, buddy. It took us three days to make that potato salad. THREE DAYS!!

SpongeBob: Hi-yah! Sandy?

Sandy: Oh, I'm Sandy alright. I'm very Sandy. Hi-yah!

SpongeBob: Oh, I get it. She's "Sandy." That's her name; she's also covered in... yes! Sandy: Back in Texas, we call ice cream "frozen cow juice". Excuse me for a sec. Hi-yah! Thank you.

Ice Cream Vendor: No, no, thank you.

Sandy: Hi-yah!! Fish #1: Who threw that piece of paper at me? Sandy: Hey, what's everybody waitin' in line for?

Fish #1: Ahoy, fair lass, it be the line to get into the Salty Spitoon -- the roughest, toughest sailor club ever to be built under the seven seas. Only the baddest of the bad can get in. You need to have muscles. You need to have muscles on your muscles. You need to have muscles on your eyeballs! SpongeBob: Ew. Sandy: Looks like a rip-snortin' good time, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Yeah, let's go in.

Reg: Go ahead. Welcome to the Salty Spittoon. How tough are ya?

Fish #1: How tough am I? How tough am I?! I had a bowl of nails for breakfast this morning!

Reg: Yeah, so?

Fish #1: Without any milk.

Reg: Uhh, right this way, sorry to keep you waiting. Welcome to the Salty Spittoon. How tough are ya?

Sandy: How tough am I? SpongeBob: Wow.

Sandy: Got any more tattoos?

Reg: Uhh, that won't be necessary. Go ahead.

Sandy: Thanks. See ya inside, SpongeBob! Reg: How tough are ya?

SpongeBob: How tough am I? You got a new bottle of ketchup?

Reg: Sure. SpongeBob: It's on! If I could just run this under some hot water...

Reg: Get outta here. This place is too tough for you, little man.

SpongeBob: Too tough for me? That's downright ridiculous. I'll have you know I stubbed my toe last week while watering my spice garden, and I only cried for twenty minutes.

Reg: Listen, kid. I think you'd be more comfortable over at that place. SpongeBob: Weenie Hut Jr's? Are you saying I belong at Weenie Hut Jr's?

Reg: Oh, no, sorry, I was actually pointing at the place next to it. SpongeBob: Super Weenie Hut Jr's?

Reg: Yeah. Unless you think you're tough enough to fight me. Nerd #2: How's your collection coming along?

Nerd #3: Well, I don't mean to brag, but it's pretty sweet. I'm in the process of acquiring issue 347 which will give me my fourth complete set.

Nerd #2: No...

SpongeBob: > What weenies. Oh brother.

Robot: Would you care for another diet cola with a lemon twist, weenie?

SpongeBob: What? But I'm not a weenie! Robot: I'm sorry, sir, but my sensors indicate that you are indeed a weenie. SpongeBob: That's impossible! Robot: You can't hide what's inside.

SpongeBob: I demand entrance into your club on the grounds that I am not a weenie! Tough Fish #4: Hey, Reg, how's it going? Reg: You were sayin'? Go ahead, buddy.

Tough Fish #4: Thanks, Reg. SpongeBob: So, your name's Reg?

Reg: Would you get outta here?

SpongeBob: Mark my words, Reg. I will get into the Salty Spittoon! I will! Nerd #2: Couldn't get in, huh? What you need is a tough hairdo. No one gets into the Double S without a tough hairdo.

Nerd #3: I disagree, I saw a guy going in there and he was bald.

Nerd #2: I saw that guy. He wasn't bald. He had a shaved head. Shaved -- that's a hairdo. Case closed. Hey, where'd he go?

Robot: I believe he said something about going to the wig store.

Fish #2: Ha-ha! Check and mate. SpongeBob look-alike: What's shakin', my man?

Reg: Not much. Say, haven't I seen you before?

SpongeBob look-alike: Doubt it -- I'm a drifter -- just blew into town. Heard your club was pretty tough, thought I'd check it out.

Reg: Nice try, kid. I know it's you.

SpongeBob look-alike: What're you talking about? Reg: Aha! SpongeBob: Hey, everybody, what's goin' on? Reg: Ah, you can go in. Sorry about that! What do you want?

SpongeBob: I'd like to gain entrance to your social club, please. I believe my hairdo is in order. So, uhh, where do you stand on the whole bald vs. shaved debate? Tough Fish #5: Hey-ya, Reg.

Reg: Alright, now it's a party! Oh, yeah, check out the new ink.

Tough Fish #5: Thanks. Hey, look what I can make it do. Reg: Yeah. Hey, what about that one? Tough Fish #5: Huh, you know, I don't remember getting this one.

Reg: Can you make it dance?

Tough Fish #5: Well, here, let me try. Reg: Hmmm, wait a minute. Go ahead in. Tough Fish #5: Yeah, sure, Reg. Thanks.

Reg: Nice try, little man. Tough Fish #6: Hey, I was in front of you!

Tough Fish #7: No, you weren't!

Tough Fish #6: You callin' me a liar?

Tough Fish #7: I ain't callin' you for dinner! Reg: Hold it, you two -- that's enough, you're both plenty tough, go ahead in.

Tough Fish #6: Alright!

Tough Fish #7: Thanks, Reg. SpongeBob: Hey, what about me? I was in that scrap.

Reg: I saw you runnin'. When you get in a real fight, then we'll talk.

SpongeBob: Well then, I guess it's time to kick it up a notch. (spins his legs then hands then cracks his fingers but they are snapped in half. He starts to cry and runs off. Scene cuts to Spongebob with his fingers in a bowl of ice cream)

Robot: Care for another sundae, weenie?

SpongeBob: I am not a weenie!

Nerd #2: Relax, you're among friends. SpongeBob: My friends don't hang out at Weenie Hut Jr's. Patrick: You tell 'em, SpongeBob! SpongeBob: Patrick, what're you doing here?

Patrick: I'm always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays.

Nerd #2: Actually they moved Double Weenie Wednesday to Friday.

Nerd #3: And besides, today's Monday.

Patrick: Oh, so it's Mega Weenie Monday?

Nerd #2: Uhh, that's now on Sunday.

Patrick: Barnacles!

Nerd #3: Super Weenie Hut Jr's has a Mega Weenie Monday.

Nerd #2: Uhh, no, you're thinking of Monster Weenie Monday.

SpongeBob: I don't have time for this! I've got to go pick a fight with a muscular stranger! It's the only one of getting into the Salty Spittoon. Patrick: No, SpongeBob, you can't. It's too dangerous.

SpongeBob: I've got no choice.

Robot: I have a suggestion. Why not fake a fight?

Patrick: Hey, that's not a bad idea! You can call me a couple of bad names, we rumble, next thing you know, you're in the Salty Spittoon.

SpongeBob: Well, I guess I've got nothing to lose. Let's do it!

Patrick: Yeah! Nerd #2: Hey, how come you never help us out with our problems?

Robot: I am a robot, not a miracle worker. SpongeBob: Afternoon, Reg.

Reg: Whoa, whoa, little man. You still can't go in.

SpongeBob: Well, that makes me pretty mad.

Reg: Oh yeah?

SpongeBob: Yeah. I might have to beat someone up just to get rid of all this blind fury.

Reg: Wow.

SpongeBob: Yeah, I feel pretty sorry for the next guy who looks at me funny.

Reg: Hmmm... what about that guy? SpongeBob: I, uhh... don't be silly. He's not botherin' anybody. I mean, not like... that guy! Patrick: Who, me? SpongeBob: Yeah, you. Standing there all smiling and whatnot. Somebody oughta teach you some manners!

Patrick: Ok, but I must warn you. I happen to be a world championship... uhh... ...kick boxer. SpongeBob: I don't care if you're the demon seed of Davy Jones! You're goin' down, Tubby! Patrick: Tubby? Nobody calls me Tubby!! SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick, you're supposed to let me win, remember?

Patrick: Oh yeah. No, please wait. No, please have mercy! Reg: Wow! You destroyed that guy without even touchin' him. SpongeBob: I did?

Reg: I never thought I'd say this, but go ahead in.

SpongeBob: Really? I can go in? Oh, my gosh, I never thought this moment would come! I, SpongeBob SquarePants, am tough enough to get into the Salty Spittoon! This is the happiest day of my life! Sandy? What happened?

Sandy: You ran inside and slipped on an ice cube. Doctor: What happened?

SpongeBob: I slipped on an ice cube and got covered in boo-boos.

Doctor: Boo-boos, eh? Hmmm... I think you guys want that hospital. SpongeBob: Weenie Hut General?