My Book - The Beautiful South

(Heaton/Rotheray)

This is my life and this is how it reads

For every chapter, a thousand memories

A murder, a mystery where everybody bleeds

A fantasy, a thriller with romance and disease

Diary entry 9th of May '62

We've had some ugly babies but none were quite like you

Diary entry '62 end of May

It looks as if the nose and chin are definitely here to stay

They're here to stay, they're here to stay

If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking

I'm a failure

You are, you are

And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted

And I'm a failure

You are, you are, you are (I am)

You are, you are, you are (I am)

This is my life and this is how it reads

A documentary that nobody believes

Albert Steptoe in 'Gone with the Breeze'

Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese

Diary entry '68 end of the year

A cardboard Apollo 6 has given the all clear

11th December '68 Captain's log

Proposed trip to Mars is cancelled due to fog

It's due to fog, it's due to fog

If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking

I'm a failure

You are, you are

And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted

And I'm a failure

You are, you are, you are (I am)

You are, you are, you are (I am)

This is the play, it was I who wrote the script

Terry meets June in 'Tales from the Crypt'

It was going to be a film but the camera person slipped

They later found him scolding a banana

Diary entry 10th of April '89

The world is going mad but me I'm doing fine

I'm doing fine

Back to bed, back to reality

Just fine.