Left in plenty of time and thank God we did
The clock kept screaming the time and the tires skid
Turn left, 'bout a half hour later
We were right back where we began
When we started this trip
It wasn't just my mood that was going down hill
It even felt we were being pursued when the car stood still
Turn right, the Tom-Tom said
I wanna chuck it right out of the car
And leave it for dead
I swear we drove right past the old kings head
25 times or more
The wipers stopped and Catherine said
"I can't take this any more"
So Lizzy jumped out and took the wheel
She coulda took us to the moon and back
By the time that we got out and slammed the door
In a town called UGLEY
Swerved more than a couple times for a black alpaca
Delayed in every kind of way so time was a factor
Only made worse by a broken down tractor
Turn round and slam on the brakes
Or we will drive straight down the road to find our next mistake
I swear we drove right past the Old Kings Head
25 times or more
The wipers stopped and Catherine said
"I can't take this any more"
So Lizzy jumped out and took the wheel
She could of took us to the moon and back
By the time that we got out and slammed the door
In a town called UGLEY
So after driving right past the Old Kings Head
55 times or more
The tire's flat and the battery's dead
it doesn't matter any more
We survived this drive to tell the tale
What the hell did we come here for
We couldn't wait to get out and finally slam the door
On a town
That bloody town
It's a cotton-picking town called UGLEY
